Hello livejournal! Hello people who don't read this ^-^. Hello Armond XD.
Uhm yeah. College....X_X. I wish that you could just pick a bunch of stuff you really like to do and THEN find a job. Unfortunately (which, by the way, i finally learned how to spell correctly. Same with definitely) , life is backwards much. you have to find the job, THEN get the degree to match. Which is quite retarded. Because then you have to limit yourself to things that will actually work, rather than things you really want to do....oi X_X.
Fanfiction is amazing. I just finished reading a 49 chapter beast of one that I dare not mention the subject matter of. But I will say it was from Cardcaptor Sakura, if that has any significance. And yes, I just ended with a preposition kthx.
Pizza. Pizza is a concept that adults don't understand. For some reason, adults feel that us kids LOVE pizza. I mean, we eat it all the time, so we MUST like it. Soooo when it's time to get food for everyone, of course it's always "Oh, pizza sounds good! Kids love pizza since they eat it all the time. yay!" Note to you all: WE DO NOT LOVE PIZZA! The only reason we eat pizza all the time is because adults are always shoving it down our throats. Sure, pizza is good...most everyone likes pizza, so I suppose it is a safe option. But seriously, people. We're not in love with the stuff.
It's expensive too.
And another thing. In writing we're supposed to write this paper about hard times in our life, right? So I wrote about my birthmark, and the things I've had to deal with, which I never really share with people only because I don't want to be viewed as some tragic emo child. Anyhow, we have to turn the exploratory venting paper into a research paper, so naturally I did "The Effects of Birthmarks and Visual Differences on Development." So I'm looking for sources and with each one I find I feel more and more like a statistic. Like I'm being summed up and generalized. That I'm being compared to standard. Even the concrete world of math and statistics won't recognize me as normal. The research paper was supposed to help I guess, but if anything it has made me more self-conscious. I found an article about the effects on parents and I can just imagine how my mom felt about me when I was younger. It's only natural.
So I start realizing things about myself to fit these neat and tidy statistics. Do I only do well in what I do to gain some sort of recognition and acceptance? Am I really okay (my spell check just underlined the word okay, and suggested i put Tokay) with never having the same sense of anonymity as everyone else does? Am I ready for a life with a severely decreased rate of marriageability? How many jobs will I be denied due to facial differences? I'm a marked girl. I would never be able to break the law (not that I'm planning on it) due to my distinguishing features.
Throw in the fact that I have weight issues and my life's looking pretty bleak. This is why I spend my life in pretend worlds, ogling fictional characters, refusing to live in my reality. What good lies for me here? I can't find love, so I'll live vicariously through the love lives of characters.
Love is a whole OTHER issue. At my current rate, I will not find a suitable partner for me until I am 72. I have no male friends here. I always thought that I would go to college and meet some lovely boy who would just love me for what I am, but everyone just glances over me. I'm the good friend. I'm the Hello Kitty Girl. I am the girl who's friends with the girl you like who you need to befriend. I just get passed over. Life is passing me by. I can't tell if my ex was a good kisser or not because I've only kissed one person. I can only amuse people with the funny stories of my failures in the love department. I just want to find some happiness before I'm too old for my innocence to be cute, and to protect me anymore.
Sorry for the emo. I'm just expressing the negative. There is plenty in my life that is good, and it's not like I'm contemplating suicide or something. The friends I have made are amazing people, and I'm thankful that I'll be living to see my 19th birthday on Tuesday (assuming I don't die by then....Cross your fingers!) I just need to get these things down.